Misconceptions About Sex (2)

By Ebere Ameh

Here is the concluding part of the common misconceptions about sex that we started in the last edition. Different people and cultures have different misconceptions that are to a large extent, detrimental to their sexual and indeed optimum health. As noted in that edition, the essence of the write up is to sift the grain from the chaff, with the help of experts, and enable you make wise decisions. Enjoy...

MYTH: 4. If you really loved him or her, you’d want to sleep with them.
FACT: Loving someone and being ready to have sex with them are two different things. If you know you love someone deeply, try to concentrate on other ways to express it until you both know you’re ready. If someone you love is pressuring you to take that step, and possibly even threatening to dump you if you don’t, it says a lot about how they love you back. Intimacy is about communication, trust, and respect. In the end, if he or she really loves you, they’ll be willing to wait.

MYTH: 5. Everyone you know is doing it.
FACT: Don’t believe everything you hear. People lie and exaggerate, especially when it comes to sexual antics. It is a ploy used by peers to get you into their camp. In the end, what matters is the truth you tell yourself. If everybody is drowning, must you join them and drown to show you belong? If the answer is no, then advise yourself.

MYTH: 6. Others can tell if you’re a virgin or not.
FACT: Look in the mirror. Is there a sign on your forehead that says, "Virgin!", or a big "V" sewn onto your shirt? With sex, it’s really tough to tell how far anyone has gone. Often, the people who talk the most about sex have the least real knowledge of it. You should never be ashamed of your "status". Regardless of how many people give you a hard time about it, you have to make the choices that are right for you. It’s much more important to be healthy and happy. There is always a time for everything.

MYTH: 7. You’re a prude if you want to wait until you’re older.
FACT: Actually, you’re smart, but it’s better to start things off on the right foot. Your early sexual experiences may haunt you forever and shape your attitude towards sex in later life. Most people who have their first sexual experience in marriage, report it being positive and meaningful. The likelihood of being more mature, and the likelihood of your romantic relationships being more committed and open, reduce the chance of sex regrets.

MYTH: 8. Sex is the most important thing to a teen.
FACT: Every person is different and nobody likes to be generalized. Though the average teen fights with his/her sex hormones on a daily basis, what shows your maturity is your ability to control your emotions, instead of allowing your emotions control you. But that doesn’t mean you cannot have a meaningful companionship, trust, friendship, and love with the opposite gender. It rather means that in the midst of everything, you are in control of yourself.

MYTH: 9. You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex, or by doing it standing up, or by using douche afterwards, or if you’re having your period, or if you have irregular periods, or if you’ve recently had a child, or by doing it in a hot tub...
FACT: We’re sure you’ve heard some of these whoppers, or maybe some even weirder ones. Forget who you’ve heard them from, or how many times you’ve heard them. The truth is, you can get pregnant any time you have sex (unless, of course, you’re already pregnant, which means you’ve got other things to worry about). Even if you use a condom or other form of birth control, you can still get pregnant. The only 100% foolproof method of preventing pregnancy is by NOT having sex. So if you choose to have sex, regardless of when and how, know what you might be getting yourself into.

MYTH: 10. The only way you can contract an STD is by having unsafe sex with more than one person.
FACT: It’s a cliché, but it’s untrue. All it takes is one time, with one person. With some STD’s, you don’t even have to have intercourse to be exposed to a sexually transmitted disease. Obviously, the more partners you have, the better your chance of getting an STD, but in the end (like getting pregnant), the magic number is One.

MYTH: 11. Girls never pressure guys to have sex—pressure always come from the male.
FACT: Again, there’s that generalization thing causing lots of trouble. Every person, and every combination of two people, is different. Pressure can come from anyone, regardless of gender, sexual experience, or age. So boys, the pressure can come from the girls too.

Myth: 12. Only women are sexually assaulted or raped, and only by men.
Reality: Both men and women can be sexually assaulted or raped, and assailants can be male or female with any sexual orientation.
Myth: 13. Perpetrators of sexual assault come largely from certain races or backgrounds.
Reality: Men and women of all races, ethnicities, ages, sexual orientations, economic and social classes can be assailants. Close relatives, spiritual leaders, close acquaintances and people you don’t expect can sexually assault you, if they find you off guard.

Myth: 14. Sex makes a girl more beautiful

Fact: A beautiful girl is a beautiful girl any day. The only thing is that sexually active girls try to present themselves in a way that they look attractive to the opposite sex.

We sincerely hope we have been able to enlighten you on some of these mistaken beliefs. Having got the facts, make wise decisions - it’s not late to make a U-turn if you have not gone so far, be on your guard and stay healthy. Always seek the help of experts when in doubt.